Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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