I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
