I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
