There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
