OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
