i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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