Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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