I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
