I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
