Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
