I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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