Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
