It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
