there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
