He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
