hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
