As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Did I show you my penis last night?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
