Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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