I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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