Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
