She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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