I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my being single is dangerous.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
