Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
