At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
