So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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