Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I smell like Dick and happiness
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
