That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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