theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
