One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
