i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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