Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
