i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
