After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
