I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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