Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
