You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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