I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
