i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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