that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
