What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
