I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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