R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
