Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
