I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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