enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
