WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
