Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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