They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
