Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
