What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
