I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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