We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
