We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
