I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
